Perceptions of Time

The concept of time has been on my mind a lot lately.  In January I managed to write a blog post for every day of the month.  Here it is the 5th of Feb and this is the first one I’ve started.  Time has just slipped away from me.

I am trying to find my comfort level with my daily (lack of) routine.  I have several freelance teaching jobs and juggling the schedules of 3 schools and several classes is making me a little bit stressed out and crazy.  It’s not easy for me and I’ve surprised myself with how hard this is.  I feel disjointed, unorganized, scattered and stressed.  I had a 2 hour class this morning in Amsterdam.  I came back home to Haarlem.  I will have to turn around and head back to Amsterdam at the end of the afternoon for a 2 hour class at a different school.  It’s terribly inefficient and this traveling is a waste of my time!

However….

I was walking from my student’s house to the tram stop this morning.  I decided to walk just a little further and wander through Museumplein.  The sun was shining.  Then it hit me.  I know what (part of) my problem is.  I am not living in the moment.  I spend so much time planning and re-planning that I have no idea how to live in the moment and enjoy the RIGHT NOW.  I worry about money.  I worry about finding enough work.  I worry about becoming physically weak and unhealthy.  I have to stop worrying so much and learn to enjoy walking through Museumplein when the sun is shining.

I have decided to make this part of my new mantra.  I will practice living in the moment.  I’m a firm believer that practice makes things eventually become natural and habitual.  Every time I start to stress about schedules or any other worry, I will ask myself if I can do anything about it at that moment.  If not, I will look around and change my attitude.  Stop and smell the roses so to speak.  I will not worry about wasting time because time is relative.  If I can’t enjoy my time right now, then I might as well not bother to ever leave my bed. (OK, or find a way to change my situation, but that’s another story…)

These flowers don’t have any idea about time either.  They started blooming in the back garden in the warm spell we had in December.  Then the snow buried them for a while and now they are back up, looking for Spring.  Our notion of seasons and time is relative.  This flower does what the weather tells it to do, regardless what the calendar says.  I think I’ll give that a try.

(By the way, I have no idea what this flower is called.  I would like to get more of them because, well, they bloom when everything else is dead and they are tough and hardy.  If you know what they are, please let me know.)

 

4 Comments

  1. Pretty certain it’s a hellebore… don’t pin me down on it though!
    Is it not possible to stay in Amsterdam till your next class? Do preparation in a library somewhere, then do next lesson, then come home? I can just imagine that when you come home in between lessons, it’s hard to settle down to anything because you know you’ve got to go out again. Hope you have an OV-jaarkaart!

  2. A very good start, walking in the Museumplein in the sunshine! Living in the moment is worth the effort, both for the calmness it brings and because it frees your mind for new inspiratons and epiphanies.

  3. I know this resolve all too well, auntie, but you can do it! If I can just offer one piece of advice, keep at it, even in those times you know full well you’ve let yourself spiral down the web of what ifs. When you bring yourself back to now, do it without judgment and without admonishing, just thank yourself for the ability to bring it back. That’s been my hardest lesson! (Today I had to tell myself, “I am enjoying these eggs,” instead of “after these eggs I’m going to do the laundry, clean the kitchen, feed the dog, plant the tulips, maybe go for a walk, but will I get too tired? I don’t want to get too tired, so maybe scratch the walk, but when will I pay bills?” And on and on and on until I caught myself and brought it back to, “I am enjoying these eggs.”) xoxoxox

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