Double

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I started this project the day after I landed in the Netherlands. This is yarn that I bought at Stitches West a few weeks ago. My friends, the Yarniacs, took me by the hand and lead me to the Sincere Sheep booth, introduced me to the dyer/owner, and helped me to pick out this color. Such enablers! This is worsted weight yarn, from Cormo sheep in Wyoming. I wanted something special from the U.S. to make a new sweater and this yarn is indeed special. It feels wonderful in my hands.  It is not superwash so it is not slippery in my hands but has a really sturdy yet next to skin soft feel. The texture is just perfect for the sweater I’m making – Foldlines by Norah Gaughan. Here is the photo from the Ravelry page.

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As you can see, I’m knitting the body in the round even though the pattern says to knit it in pieces.  It’s an even 22 stitch repeat, so why not knit this in the round up to the underarms? There will still be shoulder and armhole seams for structural strength.

DB and I are now “camping” out at his parents house in NL while we organize a home of our own. Changing countries is not an easy process.  It’s stressful and takes a lot of time and effort.  When we moved to the US I was working full time and DB did a lot of the organizing while he wasn’t working.  Now it’s the reverse.  He is working full time and I’m organizing and sorting things out.  He did of course start the process here in NL while I was still in the US, but I think I will be taking that over now. Certainly a lot of the house stuff.

We’ve made an offer on a house, which was accepted, so now we are starting the search for financing and also making budgets for what we have to buy and what to do next. We sold nearly everything we had when we left the US and now we need to buy what will fit nicely into our new home. Exciting, yes! But a lot of work.

The Dutch have an expression “Het voelt dubbel”. “It feels double”.  You might think that the feeling the person is talking about is felt doubly strong, like feeling doubly upset or doubly sad.  But that is not what it means at all.  People keeping asking me how it feels to be back in the Netherlands.  I reply “het voelt dubbel” meaning I feel at both extremes – very happy and very sad. The expression means that you feel both sides of a situation. It’s an interesting view into Dutch culture because this expression is used a lot. Dutch people have the reputation of being open minded and I think this is an example of that. They see both sides of situations and feel both sides of situations all the time and express it in “feeling double”.

I’m really really sad that we left the US when we did and in the manner we did. My job was not only awful, but the company was busy downsizing and it was only a matter of time before my turn would come. We needed to make decisions about our future, not let some company make it for us.

Also, living in Southern California wasn’t easy. It was stressful. It was hard on body and soul. This was a surprise to us and not what we expected when we moved there. But that was the reality and it was clear that staying, even if I found another job (which wasn’t happening no matter how hard I looked), was probably not a good idea.

When DB got the job in Amsterdam I cheered! I was so happy because this meant that I could quit my terrible job and we could go back to a place where we would feel safe and secure and life could be relatively calm again.

But this also meant leaving my mom in California and that makes me very very deeply sad. I don’t really want to talk about it.

And so I feel double. In the past few days, being back here in NL, I’ve felt so completely at home. This is where I belong. I never felt so at home in SoCal, but I do here. I dropped right back in to speaking Dutch all the time. I’m excited about our new house and new life. But I’m sad to leave people in the US and I feel like our leaving so soon was a kind of failure. It was not the plan to leave so soon. Het voelt dubbel.

Yesterday I took the train to Haarlem to look at some house stuff.  While there I had a favorite Dutch snack – kibbeling – pieces of batter dipped and deep fried fish. Yum! 67E01011-87B0-4826-A220-4AC6873047D3

Unencumbered

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This is a photo of a pair of socks I started knitting the other day. I’m just knitting them from my head – no pattern needed. I needed a travel pattern and I have this great sock yarn that I finally splurged on. It’s Lorna’s Laces Solemate yarn in color Amish. I told my mom the color name and she was bemused. Then I told her to picture an Amish woman holding a bouquet of flowers. That works.

I needed the travel socks today because after driving to Sacramento and selling my car, I got a ride with Uber to the train station, got on a BUS to Stockton, and THEN got on a train, down to Merced. The photo was taken on the train.

I sold my car to Carvana which was a fantastic experience! I did most of the transaction online and then made an appointment to drop off my car. A real person called me to offer help to find the drop off point. A guy drove my car around a parking lot and then handed me a check. What could be better? I only had to drive so far to drop it off because they are only located in major metropolitan areas. Merced County doesn’t meet that criteria by a long shot. But it was so worth the effort to drive up there! A few days earlier I drove to Modesto (and had my mom FOLLOW me to Modesto in the expectation of selling my car and needing a ride back to her house) to Carmax.  Carmax offered me such a low amount for my car that I actually laughed at them and asked for my keys back. I walked away fast.  And sold to Carvana for $2k more.

So now I’m homeless, jobless and car-less! What a relief! I was so worried about having that albatross of a car around my neck when I’m flying out of here on SATURDAY.

At the same time, I LOVED THAT CAR! I am sure that that was the BEST car I will ever own. In the Netherlands cars cost 50%-100% more than they do in the U.S.  I will never be able to afford a car like that again and it was really your basic SUV. Say goodbye to a ride with leather seats (heated) and so many ways to set your power/braking/battery charging that my techie brain was blown. And 4WD. And enough room to take an entire market set up and wool inventory for a weekend fiber event. Sigh.

I am completely unencumbered. Meaning no obligations and really here I mean monetarily.  I have no debt. I owe no one any money. How many Americans can say THAT?

I will enjoy it while I can because on Monday I will most likely be encumbered again with the promise to create a new mortgage for a new house in the Netherlands. More about THAT next week!

Leaving on a Jet Plane

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I made this lap blanket for my mom as a Christmas/birthday/going away present. I’m the one going away.

The pattern is “A New Angle” and you can find it on Ravelry to buy and make one yourself. The yarn is Cascade 220 superwash worsted. Each square is 7” on a side and I added 2 rows of double crochet as a border.  It took me 2 1/2 months to make, working on it pretty steadily.  I had a deadline!

Just to bring you up to date, we sold our house in SoCal, I quit my job, selling my car to Carvana tomorrow, and on Saturday I’m flying back to the Netherlands. DB has been back there since January 1, working at his new job, and we already have a new house picked out and an offer accepted. We’re BACK baby!

There will be another blog post regarding “why we are moving back” and all kinds of discussion about being an American in the Netherlands. One step at a time. 🙂

It feels like the past 3 years have been a kind of dream and now we are going back to reality. Living and working in SoCal was not a nightmare, but was definitely not the dream we had imagined when we moved there. Life is hard there. Dutch people have no idea how good they have it. They complain a lot about life in NL, but honestly they have no idea what hard is.

All of the above is why I feel like resurrecting the blog. I have a lot to say, having come out of the dark tunnel of a terrible job and terrible traffic and not so great health. I am on a better path and want to talk.